People change. And, I wish I could say otherwise, but sometimes, not for the better.
It’s no doubt that we’re constantly changing throughout our lives. I’d like to think that I’m a different person today than I was yesterday. But sometimes, instead of becoming a better version of themselves, they cave in to the temptations of the world and become cold and hard, rude and arrogant, selfish and inconsiderate.
People change. And drift apart.
And that’s what I want to talk about in this post.
You see there’s this girl – let’s call her Mallory for convenience sake, and also for privacy and anonimity – who I used to call my close friend.
In high school, things were different. We had our parents to answer to. We couldn’t drive. And we don’t exactly have the best public transport system in my hometown. Everything had to be validated, so to speak, by our parents, which makes hanging out – or going out – much harder.
But when you go to college, it’s a completely different story. For the first time, you’re in total control of yourself: of what you eat, how you spend your time, how you spend your money. And I believe that it’s this time, when we’ve truly started living on our own, with the sudden burst of freedom, that our true selves emerge.
Mallory and I used to be very close friends, maybe even best friends. We’d text all the time, hang out at every possible moment (which wasn’t very much considering our conflicting schedules), we’d tell each other just about everything. But I feel that, between finishing high school and moving out of our childhood home, a lot of things have changed.
I’ll have you know I’m the type of friend who will do whatever I can to keep the friendship thriving and sometimes, it hurts that they don’t return the effort.
And with Mallory, I feel that that’s exactly what happened.
I feel like she’s just been taking advantage of me all these years, especially to get out of the house, or rather, an excuse to go out. And now that she has all the freedom in the world, she’s tossed me to the side like a pawn whose time is up.
And I feel my heart break all over again. Just like everyone’s who’s left me.
I trusted her, I really did. I thought she was my confidante, a person I could turn to in time of need. And I suppose I was too blind to see how selfish she has been because, really, if my eyes were opened, I could’ve seen the signs. They were so obvious.
In all honesty, now that I think about it, nothing has changed. I’m that friend who she comes running to when everyone else abandons her, when she’s had a hard time, when she needs to cry to someone. I’m not a priority, contrary to what she said. I’ve never been. The moment she meets someone new, she’ll push me to the side and step all over me.
Toxic friends: that’s what I call people like Mallory.
And I’m sick of that.
“Don’t waste another minute dealing with toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative and abusive. Run for your life as quickly as possible.” – Les Brown
I’m disappointed, yes. I’m so upset; I feel so betrayed. But am I surprised? Not really. This happens all the time.
I like to say I have too.
In the past year, being alone has taught me a lot. It’s taught me to be in the moment, to choose my friends wisely, to never give up on myself. It’s taught me to live with an open heart. And I intend to do just that.
I’ve also learned who my real friends are. Who will stick by me no matter what. Who, I know, I’ll be able to lean on. I’m not going to sugarcoat it: this year has been tough for me. But these people have been my rock (Chloe and Jas, just to name a few). I never would’ve survived without them.
Yes, I’m disappointed in Mallory – and a lot of other friends – but I haven’t given up. I still have hope that she’ll outgrow this, that maybe I’m wrong, that maybe I’ve jumped to this conclusion prematurely.
And, honestly, that’s the thing that kills me time and time again. Being too hopeful.
But honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Disclaimer: If you think that I am referring to you then you’re either right, or should really reevaluate yourself if you think you fit the criteria. Be the person you would befriend.