I don’t know about you, but living with depression also means living with a lot of changing moods. One day, you can feel like you’re on top of the world, ready to give life your best punch and all of a sudden, the emptiness hits you and you’re feeling so down that you feel like completely giving up on everything.
And today is one of those days for me.
I woke up tired, probably due to the lack of sleep, but feeling great and ready for a productive day. Things were fine up until the evening, before things just went downhill. All of a sudden, everything didn’t feel real. It was like I was living in a dream, a nightmare, and all I wanted was to wake up.
I feel so empty and tired and I’m on the verge of giving up. I’d cry, but at this point, I feel so numb that crying isn’t an option. I’m listening to music, trying to cheer myself up, but it’s not working. If anything, it’s getting worse.
I feel like I’m drowning from the weight of the world, from the emphasis people put on clothes, on appearance, on having a stable job, a partner, a family. I’m drowning from people’s expectations of me and from the voices in my head and I just want everything to stop.
I’m so tired of fighting this fight. I know a lot of people have it worse off than me and I’m grateful that I’m not them, but that doesn’t make my situation any better.
I’m this close to giving up. I just want to disappear from this world that’s built itself around me and start fresh. I just want everything to stop.