I’m Tired

I’m so tired. 

I’m tired of the way life is. I’m tired of not being good enough. I’m tired of hating myself, for not know how to be myself. 

I’m tired of being afraid to open up to someone and being afraid to love. I’m tired of having no motivation but tired of doing anything I’m supposed to. 

I’m tired of waiting for a door to open. I’m tired of not being able to live a life that I want. I’m tired of having to bother about what the people around me say. 

I’m tired of being tired. 

I may have mentioned this before, but I’m seeing a psychologist. After the first two visits, I noticed that that move might’ve been pointless as she’s just telling me what I’ve been already trying this whole time, but I persevered anyway, convincing myself that therapy is something that takes time. 

I’ve been going for about two months now and at this point, I feel like it’s just another chore for me. A reason I have to force myself to get up early on Wednesdays and rationalise my thoughts that I’ve already been doing for ages. Maybe it’s the wrong approach for me or it’s the wrong psychologist but I feel like it’s not been helping me at all. 

I’ve already been doing everything she’s been telling me too and I know, from previous experiences, from trying time and time again, that it doesn’t work. 

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself or I’m exaggerating, but I feel like therapy is a waste of my time. I get that it’s a very long term thing, but maybe it’s just not for everyone. 

I don’t know. I’ve been trying to battle depression but I don’t know where to start. Nothing seems to be working anymore, and I’m caught at a crossroads. 

I’m so tired of living this way, and I want to change it, but I don’t know where to start. 




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