Before we start, before you think that this is just another typical suicide prevention thing, you’re mistaken. I know how it feels to be in the dark, to only be surrounded by the dark until you feel like you’re losing your mind and your soul. I know how it feels to be left alone and to be trapped and to desperately call out for someone only to be answered with silence. I know how it feels to be so lost and to be so completely empty and hopeless that I can’t even see the road ahead.
I know how it feels. So hear me out.
You may feel like your world is coming down all around you, your life crumbling to dust through your fingers, and that there’s nothing but darkness ahead. But you have survived up to this point. You have won every battle and you’ve conquered every war. You are here today. You are alive. And if you can’t find a reason to be alive, that’s okay. We’re all lost. We’re all trying to find our way.
Things may seem unfair. And it probably is. Life is such a fucked up place and no matter how hard it tries to preach, it is never equal. But think of all the people you have talked to. Think of all the moments they smiled at something you said or did, even if just for a fleeting moment. Think of all the lives you have touched even without you knowing, because trust me, you’ve changed somebody’s life.
Every day is a struggle. And you feel like shattering everything in your path. Screaming and shouting and pulling your hair out, trying to find something, anything, that you can touch, that you can feel but you come up empty. Yes, I get that. It’s so difficult to live. And we’ve become so accustomed to the dark that we’re not scared anymore.
People make mistakes. No matter how great you think a person is or how high of a pedestal you put them on, they’re still human. No matter how perfect their instagram profile looks like or how many places they’ve geotagged on Facebook, we’re all humans. We all make mistakes. We all fall down. We all feel sad and regret and misery and frustration.
And yes, it feels like you’ve hit rock bottom. That it’s so dark and so cold that your bones are freezing. But remember that now that you’re down here, there’s nowhere you can go but up.
You may make a lot of mistakes in your life, some so big that it consumes you inside out, but things can be forgiven. But if you end your journey here, that is the sole unforgivable thing in this world.
You may not know anyone like this now, but you will, find them someday. Someone who understands. Someone who won’t judge and will always try to make you smile. You may think that there’s no one like that but when you meet them, you’ll know. And they’ll help you in your struggles. They’ll shoulder your burdens and cry your sorrows and worry your anxieties, not because of pity or goodwill. No. But because they love you. And they care for you. And they want to see you down the road smiling and happy and enjoying your life and loving yourself.
So yes, the road ahead seems bleak. I should know. But it’ll get better. Maybe not today or tomorrow or next month or next year, but it will. One day, you will wake up and you’ll find yourself surrounded by the people you love and you’ll look out the window and you’ll be holding your head up high and loving everything about life and about yourself.
And so hang in there. Even if it’s by a rope that’s about to snap. Even if you don’t triumph over it and you’ve barely made it out alive. Hang in there as much as you can.
It’s okay to cry until your eyes are red and swollen and your stomach hurts from sobbing too much and to scream until your throat is raw in the middle of the night locked in your bedroom. It’s okay to not be okay. And I hope you remember that because it’s so important.
You are not alone. You are never alone. There will always be someone out there who understands. 1 in 4 people are affected by mental illness and depression is the most common. Someone out there understands. Someone out there has been through what you’ve been through, felt what you felt, and came out alive.
It’s okay to not be okay. But please, never choose to end your life here. Because your life is not your own, and your life will not be missed by you, but the people you’ve touched around you.
If you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open. Twitter and Instagram @angelyntjf